how metanotes can suck you in. all i got online to do was apply for a credit card. money issues are starting to be a problem now. id write more often on paper instead of online but i seem to always lose the papers. about 2 months ago i asked to back down from mangement back to server and all he has done is stop scheduling me. i dont know if ill have the money for all the shit i have grown accustomed to buying. movies, dinner, cds, other random mail order stuffs. ive got to look for another job, wednesday, since i dont go back to work till saturday. so hopefully someone somewhere will take me, tho i hope blockbuster or game stop will call me first. lets not get hopes up tho.

this is my journal. dont comment, i probably dont care what you think. i dont discuss my feelings. i dont argue my points of view. if you are going to readthis, you are getting to know me alot more then you probably wanted to!

im tired of people demanding me to listen to them. me to pay attention to them. every five minutes look at them. yet, they cant pay attention a two minute conversation with me, they dont pay me attention when im obnoxiously trying to get it, they dont listen when i talk, and then ask questions about things to pretend their interested in me, yet i have already told them those things. im not fooled, by the way. and thats why i no longer go out of my way to pay you attention. i cared alot, i put-up alot of shit for you. i thought of you when invited to anything. and i have yet to see you do the same. its so easy for you to just go off, you dont even look back at those you call “friends” you just ditch people for others and when your alone you call opon those who are faithful to you. why are we faithful? cause we thought you had a heart, we thought you were good inside. but ive come to realize your selfish. if you only care about your self, then you can be there for yourself. you can entertain yourself, and you can give your self the much needed attention you think you need. i have things to do.

i used to think cable made people lazy, uneducated, boring, and overrated. i would get annoyed at being invited over to someone’s house just to watch tv. i can do nothing at my own house, and id be in control of the remote. Things have changed recently. i believe still cable is as described but we have created a new “cable” i could say. its the laptop. people turn on the tv, open the laptop and spend all hours with each other on separate laptops. what gets even worse is then they im each other on those laptops! they are sitting next to each other!! i think they take up space. i have urges to yell “go in a corner where you arent wasting couch space!!!” i use to be one of these kinds of people, and i remember not being able to understand why it pissed my mom off to have the tv blaring, and be sitting in front of the computer telling her that i was watching whatever program was on. i wonder what life is becoming. people spend more time inside pretending to be living an exciting life. making their profiles sound like they are fun, active and cool. they spend hours talking to people they will never meet, or actually get to know. and then they go and buy expensive workout machines, or gym passes to lose weight. they swallow pills for every health problem, every mental illness when had they actually done something with themselves they could have prevented most of these. i dont know how many times i read about health illnesses and i read that exercise and good eating could help prevent this. sex as well, but instead of actually bathing and taking a girl out, a guy just downloads a airbrushed nude blond pic, and grabs some lotion. its getting sad and pathetic.